The Eastpointer

Florida Secedes - Again!

By Richard E. Noble

Well, here we are! The most important primary election in my lifetime - maybe in all of American history. There is a WAR to consider and universal health care. Believe it or not Universal Health Care for all American citizens has been a political issue since as far back as the Wilson administration. For the first time in American history we have a possible woman presidential candidate and a possible black presidential candidate. Of course we have all the usual and ordinary types too. We have one movie star, one semi-bald guy who lisps and spits when he speaks, a couple of guys who formally had their picture on a bottle of hair tonic or snake oil, one guy who looks like Gomer Pyle, one guy who looks like he could have been one of the Three Stooges, one guy who has been through the war, the “Mill” and to hell and back and a host of other interesting prospects.
But it seems that Florida has decided to secede from the Union once again. This time not with the rest of the South but with the state of Michigan of all places. Needless to say I’m confused.
It seems that our Florida legislature took a “bipartisan” vote and moved up our primary election date. Consequently Democrats have been thrown out of the National Democratic Party and Florida Republicans are half out - or something like that.
I have tried to read up on this to find out exactly what happened but that is not really what I want to know. What I really want to know is who actually did this to me and how do I get rid of them - forever. Is it the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, Governor Crist or the entire Florida legislature?
What the heck happened here?
Our state politicians voted to move up our primary elections but both of their political parties told them that they couldn’t do it. So naturally they did it anyway. And now all of us who belong to either party are out or semi-out. We have all somehow become independents. We can vote in the national election but we will not get to pick our candidates in any primary. We can go down and pick someone if we want to, but it isn’t going to matter because, as usual, nobody is counting Florida votes – at least not all of them. So what’s new? Nobody is campaigning here in Florida except the guy who spits along with a thirty second TV sound bite here and there by a few other hopeful losers. No one is calling me on the phone or asking my opinion, taking out an ad in our newspapers or spending any big political bucks here in our state. I am a nobody. I don’t count. I’m invisible. I feel like candidates Kucinich and Ron Paul.
My wife says that this must be against the Constitution. I have consulted my copy of the Constitution but I can’t find anything in there about primary elections or political parties. There is some stuff about electing presidents and senators and congressional Representatives but none of it has any relevance to today’s system. In fact, the Constitution seems to be about how they do it in some other country. I’m not going to get into it, but if you don’t believe me get a copy of the Constitution and read it for yourself. Who wrote that thing anyway? It seems like it is about time for the revised edition to come out. Believe it or not it says “revised edition” on the copy I’ve got. When the heck was it revised 1777? I don’t really want them to change anything but how about a couple of footnotes explaining what the heck happened and why what it says ain’t what we got; inquiring minds what to know.
My wife told me that she belongs to a political party. I asked her when she attended the last meeting and how much did it cost her to join. She said that you don’t have to go to meetings to belong to a particular political party and it doesn’t cost anything. She said that you just agree to be a member and you are automatically included in that party. It is kind of like a religion but they don’t have any churches, she said.
So I guess that is how it goes. Like religion if you have any complaints you pray to God and if He see fit, he changes it. Otherwise you end up you know where – and without a paddle.

Richard E. Noble is a Freelance Writer and has been a resident of Eastpoint for around thirty years. He has authored two books: “A Summer with Charlie” which is currently listed on Amazon.com and “Hobo-ing America” which should be listed on Amazon in the not too distant future. Most recently he completed his first novel “Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother” which will be published soon.