Friday, August 28, 2009

Kennedy and the Royal Family

The Eastpointer

Kennedy and the Royal Family

By Richard E. Noble

One of my more successful and I assume politically active customers came bursting into my shop over in Carrabelle this one fine morning. He stormed up to my ice cream case and began yelling at me and jabbing his finger out in my direction.
“Did you see the news last night?”
“I think so. But I don’t remember anything extraordinary happening.”
“Oh you didn’t! You didn’t happen to notice that a U. S. Navy Destroyer was out there roaming off the coast of New England looking for one of them Kennedys!”
John F. Kennedy’s son had crashed his small plane into the Atlantic and they had been searching for him or any survivors.
“Oh yeah, I saw something about that. Did they find anybody?”
“Who cares?”
“Well, I don’t know. I would imagine that probably many people do. He was kind of a famous guy.”
“And if you or I crashed out there do you think that they would have sent a destroyer looking for us?”
“Well, my guess would be that the destroyer, if there was one out there, just happened to be in the immediate vicinity. I can’t imagine that there would have been any need to send a destroyer on that particular mission. There is plenty of Coast Guard and that sort of stuff that get paid to do that.”
“You don’t!”
“No I don’t.”
“Well, they did!”
“Okay, so what?”
“So what? Do you know how much fuel a destroyer burns per mile out there in the ocean? Do you know what it costs to send a destroyer out there hunting for some useless Kennedy?”
“This is all very interesting but why are you yelling at me? My name ain’t Kennedy. My name won’t be in the will of any Kennedy either. I never even met a Kennedy. There were no Kennedys living next to me in my slum tenement house up in Lawrence, Mass. either.”
“Yeah but you’re a Yankee.”
“If you are referring to the Civil War, I wasn’t there; my daddy wasn’t there and my grandparents weren’t there. All my ancestors were over in Europe somewhere digging up black potatoes or starving some place else. And if you are an American Indian, I’d like to clear the record right now - none of my family had anything to do with it. I never even saw a buffalo never mind kill one. All those typhoid fever infected blankets that you guys bought? None of my ancestors had anything to do with it. I heard it was the British.”
“Yeah, but you’re from Massachusetts ain’t ya?”
“I was raised in Massachusetts.”
“There you go!”
“There ya go what?”
“You’re one of them Liberals. You think them Kennedys are America’s Royal Family. Well, we don’t have no Royal families here in this country.”
I don’t remember how I got out of this conversation but I do remember that the guy went on and on and on. And long after that event I still remember his face and how angry he was.
What I can’t figure is what the Kennedys did that caused this man to harbor such hatred.
Joe Kennedy who all the Conservatives seem to hate committed the grave sin of somehow amassing as much money as many of their “kind.” He did it in the most evil way too. When all the rich WASPs were selling out America during the Depression, he was buying everything up. When they were all swindling everybody on the stock market, he swindled them and made bunches. He made a fortune saving the famous Yellow Cab Taxi Company from a plot on the part of the big boys to do them in. He even got hired by President Roosevelt to patch up all the loopholes and dirty tricks that it had taken others so long to incorporate. He later claimed that patching up the stock market was his greatest act of patriotism. Unfortunately, recent conservative dominated administrations removed all of Joe Kennedy’s “patches.”
He then went down into the Irish slums and ghettoes and opened up a bank whose policy it was to loan money to his fellow Irishmen.” It is in banking that his wife Rose claimed that Joe made the really big money.
But then that upstart SOB got one of his war hero sons elected president of the United State of America. Another of his sons died in a plane crash while serving in the Air force. I’ve read one book that alleged that he may have been on a dangerous, secret mission and his plane exploded prematurely and he was killed. Joe also had a daughter who was killed in an accident in Europe around the same time.
But have no fear some wacko blew his son John’s brains out in Dallas, Texas.
Not too long after that another nut cake killed another of his boys in the back of some restaurant.
And now the son of the assassinated president crashes in the Atlantic Ocean and is missing and this guy in my little shop is POed at anybody in America who he thinks might have even the remotest association with the Kennedy family.
What is that?
Honestly, I felt very badly when John F. Kennedy Jr. died in that tragic accident. I never gave the destroyer a second thought - maybe I should have. I don’t know. I really and honestly wish that nobody had to die - even Republicans – well … maybe “some” Republicans … Well, ah, certainly there is one Republican here and there that God in his infinite mercy might chose to salvage. I suppose anything is possible when it comes to the mind and infinite mercy of God.

Hobo-ing America and A Summer with Charlie are two books written by Richard E. Noble. They are now both available on If you would like to stock any of my 6 books in your store or business, e-mail me at for discounts and special offers.

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