Tuesday, January 31, 2006



It’s the little things

by Richard E. Noble

Every time I think that I have finally found a satisfactory answer to something or finally come to a definitive conclusion on some subject matter, I read something, or talk to somebody, or see something on TV that throws me for a loop. Dwarfism is a perfect example.
Due to genetic insights and discoveries, it has been determined that the problem of Dwarfism could actually be predetermined and eliminated. It is possible in the future that no parents will ever again be forced by the unfortunate circumstances of nature to give birth to a dwarf. This would be a good thing, right?
There was a society of dwarfs on TV the other day protesting just such an outcome. They claim that preventing the birth of future dwarfs would be tantamount to genocide, or more specifically - dwarf-ocide. They claim that a world without a dwarf would be a lesser world; no more midgets at the circus; no more “de plane, de plane”; no more annual dwarf throwing contest in Missouri or Montana or wherever; no more dwarf artists, philosophers or painters. And I know that you have never thought of this, but could it be possible that God is really a dwarf? We are reminded today, almost daily, that God could be a woman, or black - so why not a dwarf? Why not a black, female dwarf - for that matter?
I honestly never thought, even in my wildest dreams, that anyone would actually enjoy being a dwarf. But then there was a time when I thought the song “I Enjoy Being a Girl” was rather stupid.
Dwarfs have a real tough time in life. They have to undergo numerous operations, have a multitude of physical problems, and usually die at an early age. To the Society for the Preservation of Dwarfs, this is no big deal. Lots of people have problems in life. Why should we single out their particular social or physical problems as so drastic that they should be eliminated for all time?
We have found basketball for grotesquely tall individuals. Just because we haven’t found a profitable sport that features midgets, should they be exterminated from the face of the Earth? - asks the Dwarf Society.
“All men are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, and among these are the right to Life, Liberty etc.” What … this doesn’t include midgets and dwarfs? Midgets don’t have the Constitutional right to be midgets, to reproduce and make little midgets? - Is that redundant?
This opens a whole new world of thought to me. For example, what about the Elephant Man? Okay, was that a story about the horror of being born an Elephant Man, or more specifically a story about Elephant Man abuse?
For example, if that Elephant child were born into a nice family; got a good paying job as a freak in a circus or something; found himself a nice Elephant girl, and had some little Elephant children, would there ever have been such a movie? What if he made a movie, like Rocky?
Instead of being just stupid and punch-drunk like Rocky was - he could have been an Elephant Man who was stupid and punch-drunk and who also dreamed of being the Champ one day. He wins the crown from an obnoxious and brutally dominating midget, and then goes on to appear on Oprah Winfrey; thus proving to the entire world that anybody - even an Elephant Man - can make it here in America, the land of opportunity where even an seemingly hopeless Elephant Man with a horrible disfiguring disease but who has hope, drive, and ambition - can, one day, become super wealthy, egomaniacal, and totally infatuated with himself. He then could go on to start his own reality TV show called the Apprentice - etc. etc. etc.
Yes, Elephant people have problems in life, but then ... don’t they have the right to life, liberty etc. etc. etc.? Have you ever really sat down and spoken with an Elephant person? Could not an Elephant person, as the midget or dwarf, not have the brain of a Albert Einstein or the writing skills of a William Shakespeare? What have people who look like Bo Derrick or Paul Newman ever done for mankind? Did you ever see a picture of Stephen Hawking?
So now what? An equal rights constitutional amendment for dwarfs and Elephant people? No more feeling sorry and looking down on dwarfs - or Elephant people? Where does this all end? No more Special Olympics? No more Jerry Lewis and the March of Dimes? No more Telethons? No more Wars on Poverty? I’m confused. This sounds like the Reverend Malthus, all over again. Maybe this is all a part of the plan or - de plan, de plan.

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