Carol and I have been together now for over 30 years. Whenever you see older couples on TV the moderator often says, “Well, bless your hearts. How have you two managed to stay together so long? Can you give the rest of us a little advice and share your wisdom?” For some reason no one has ever asked me that question. I imagine it is because when they look at me they can’t imagine that I am old enough to have ever lived with anyone for over 30 years. Why just the other day I went into a local gas station. My gas bill was $19.67. I said, “1967 huh, that was a good year.” The older, gray haired man behind the counter said authoritatively, “Yes it was, but how would you know? You probably weren’t even born in 1967.” Wow! Can you imagine? How have Carol and I kept it together for so long? The answer is that we both have an inordinate love for material possessions. Now I know that some of you who read this newspaper are my neighbors and you drive by my property every day. You are now asking yourself how it can be true that love for material possessions have kept Carol and me together when we don’t have anything – certainly nothing that shows. Ah ha, that is how it appears on the outside, but on the inside we have some very valuable stuff. We keep the outside of our property looking as it does to avoid any increases in our Homestead Exemption and to get around paying more property taxes. We have relatives who were Republican and they taught us some of the tricks. One valuable thing we have in our home is a complete collection of home repair books published by Time/Life. Those aren’t valuable, you say. Well sure, the first issue was only 99 cents but each following issue cost $7.95 and we have all 32 issues. These are hardcover books – with pictures. And they are in mint condition. They are now obsolete – real collector’s items. We have stopped doing any improvements on our place because of all the new rules. I will give you an example. We were going to connect two of our decks with a third deck and put our washer and dryer out there. But the folks over in Apalach said we couldn’t do it. Not only that, we needed to hire an architect to design the six foot deck addition. The deck would also have to be anchored so that it could withstand 180 mile an hour wind. I explained to the man that our trailer was nearly 30 years old and uninsurable and that all our other decks were built over 20 years ago when there were fewer rules – none that I remember. He said that didn’t matter. “We” had to upgrade the neighborhood for future hurricanes. But I said if I do as you ask, the new six foot deck will cost more than my whole trailer home and lot and, when and if that hurricane comes, the only thing that will be left on the lot will be this six foot super deck that you now require. He said that didn’t matter. But wait a minute, I’m getting away from my story. Another valuable thing that Carol and I own is a 15 piece set of fancy screwdrivers. They are Craftsmen from Sears & Roebuck and have a lifetime guarantee. I don’t know if that’s my lifetime or Sears’s lifetime, but whatever. I bought them for Carol one Christmas. Carol’s birthday is on Christmas day, so I get a “twofor.” I spring for a little extra because of the birthday benefit. This is a real expensive set of screwdrivers. Carol likes tools and screwdrivers are fun for tool type people like her. Carol has fixed door hinges, repaired microwave ovens, installed her very own dishwasher, hooked up her washing machine and drier, adapted the burners on her new stove, installed and maintained her water heater, fixed her vacuum cleaner, repaired her lawnmower, her hedge trimmer and her circular saw … I’m telling you, she has really got distance out of those screwdrivers. I am very happy that I bought them for her – so what if they cost me over 100 bucks. You know, as they say … “If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” Ain’t that the truth! Now if we were to get divorced, we would have to decide who is going to get those screwdrivers for example. You ask, “Why would I want those screwdrivers? I never use them and I probably don’t even know how to use one.” That’s true. But those screwdrivers were very expensive and I bought them with MY money. I look at them like other people look at art. There are wealthy people out there who have very valuable paintings and they don’t even know how to paint. They couldn’t mix two colors together and come up with a third that resembled anything in the rainbow. They don’t know the canvas from the frame, but they would kill to keep their works of art. Well, that’s me. I want my stuff … but Carol would want it too. So what would we do with the screwdrivers if we were to separate? It would be horrible and too much damn trouble. So why screw with it? Carol and I are together until death do us part – or something happens to them darn screwdrivers.
Richard E. Noble is a freelance writer and has lived in Franklin County for about 30 years. He has published several books. You can find them all on Amazon or by contacting the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Books by Richard Edward Noble. Click on covers below for more info and purchasing instructions.
Classic Tragic Novel
Don't Laugh - This Could Have Been Your Life
Funny stories and some strange characters.
Monkey Dishes and Cocktail Fawks
My Harrowing days in the restaurant business. Great Read.
It's a Long Story
Long Short Fiction - Great stories!
Bloggin' Be My Life
"Bloggin' be My Life" contains a selection of some of my more popular Hobo Philosopher blogs.If you enjoy reading this blog, you should love Bloggin' Be My Life.
It's All About Love
It's All About Love is ... all about love. This is the 2nd book of poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford off Arlington. Every poem in this book comes with a prose introduction. If you enjoy poetry this is a simple choice. Have fun!
A Little Something
Traditional poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford Off Arlington with some poignant prose introductions. If you enjoy any type of poetry, you will enjoy this volume. Thanks.
Talking To Myself
This is my third book of poetry.
Bits and Pieces
The Hobo Philosopher - My first book using the Hobo Philosopher brand. Featuring a variety of writing styles and ideas. Look for the Thoughtful Hobo on the cover.
A Baker's Dozen
The Hobo Philosopher: My Second book of Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Short Stories. All varieties of short stories - lots of laughs!
Cat Point - and Them Dang Oyster People
Cat Point is the sequel to "The Eastpointer." Both books contain humorous tales about life in a fishing community on the Florida Panhandle. Lots of laughs.
Won 1st Place award for humor in 2007 from Florida Press Association. More wit, wisdom and humor from the yet to be world famous author, R.E. Noble
A Summer with Charlie - Lawrence
Fiction - Salisbury Beach, Lawrence, Mass. Featured in Merrimack Valley Magazine July /Aug. issue 2010
Travel, Humor, Commentary on migrant farm work and illegal immigration still very pertinent today.
"Just Hangin' Out Ma"
Thank God for the Street Corners of Lawrence, Mass. Anecdotes and humorous escapades about growing up in an industrial mill town in the 40s,50s and 60s.
This is the sequel to "Just Hangin' Out, Ma"
That Old Gang of Mine
This is # 3 in my Lawrence Hometown series. The series is about growing up in the 40's, 50's and 60's in an industrial mill town. Sorta like a Huck Finn goes to vist Uncle Ralph, the bus driver, who lives in a big, rundown city. Lots of fun.
Come On-A My House
This is # 4 in my Lawrence Hometown series.The old homested at 32 Chelmsford ST is pictured on the cover..
Down By The Old Mill Stream
# 5 in the Lawrence My Hometown series.
Standing on the Corner is # 6 in the lawrence My Hometown series.
The old Howard Playstead on Lawrence St.
Eat, Drink and Be Merry
# 7 in the Lawrence my Hometown series.
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
Classic tragic novel written from child's perspective. Deals with abuse, poverty, unemployment. Pulls no punches.
Noble Notes on Famous Folks
Humorous, satirical notes on everybody from Constantine to Bill Clinton. Inspiration: Willy Cuppy.
America on Strike
History - documented survey of labor strikes in America
Mein Kampf - An Analysis of Book One
Who are the American Nazis - the Liberals or the Conservatives?
MY NAME IS RICHARD EDWARD NOBLE. I AM A FREELANCE WRITER AND I HAVE PUBLISHED 12 BOOKS:"THE EASTPOINTER" - SELECTIONS FROM AWARD WINNING NEWSPAPER COLUMN - "A LITTLE SOMETHING" - POETRY WITH PROSE -"HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER" - A NOVEL ABOUT GROWING UP IN THE NEW ENGLAND MILL TOWN OF LAWRENCE, MASS, "HOBO-ING AMERICA" - A WORKINGMAN'S TOUR OF THE U.S.A. - "A SUMMER WITH CHARLIE" - THE STORY OF A YOUNG SAILOR'S LAST DAYS AT SALISBURY BEACH, "NOBLE NOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS" - HUMOROUS ANECDOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS IN HISTORY,
"AMERICA ON STRIKE" HISTORY BOOK - A SURVEY OF LABOR STRIKES IN AMERICA; "A BAKER'S DOZEN" A BOOK OF HUMOROUS SHORT STORIES; "JUST HANGIN' OUT, MA" - GROWING UP IN THE 40'S, 50'S AND 60'S IN LAWRENCE, MY HOMETOWN, "TENEMENT DWELLERS" - SEQUEL TO JUST HANGIN OUT, MA; MEIN KAMPF - ANALYSIS OF BOOK ONE - HISTORY. CAT POINT - AND THEM DANG OYSTER PEOPLE - SEQUEL TO THE EASTPOINTER
All 12 BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM, BARNES AND NOBLE AND OTHER INTERNET SOURCES OR FROM NOBLE PUBLISHING. ALL 12 OF MY BOOKS ARE NOW ON KINDLE AT BARGAIN PRICES TOO. IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT DISCOUNTS AND SPECIAL OFFERS E-MAIL ME. MY EMAIL IS ON MY PROFILE PAGE.