Mr. Noble Regrets
By Richard E. Noble
It was the most unrewarding, unfulfilling
thing that I have ever done.
Why I devoted so much of my life to it
I will never understand.
For the most part
it only made me miserable.
It didn’t do much
for anyone else either.
I should have just ignored the whole thing
and let it die.
Who would believe all the time
and all the hours?
For a time
it was my whole life.
Every waking moment
was spent thinking, preparing, anticipating.
I thought it to be the most important
thing in all of life.
If I had never given it one second
my life would have been more rewarding.
But for that time it became more important to me
than life itself.
I wouldn’t be able to live without it,
But live I did;
and life was better.
It was easier to handle, more sensible,
more focused and more realistic.
Not being able to let it go, I think,
made me into a creature other than myself at times.
When I reflect upon it now
I can’t imagine what I was thinking.
I made myself miserable
and for no reason whatsoever.
I say that I won’t ever let it happen again
but, you know, I think it is happening again - right now.
Idaho Penitentiary Hospital
9 months ago