Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860 A.D.)


By Richard E. Noble

Arthur Schopenhauer in my psychoanalytic opinion was suffering from that age old male, physical malady, known to all young and middle aged, healthy males as Spermus Backeruptis.
Come on, this guy needed a good romp between the sheets, with a 'normal' female. My goodness! If this couldn't be arranged for whatever reasons, how about a couple of gallons of Prozac? This was one unhappy camper.
Schoppy's mother was a successful novelist (probably wrote Harlequin Romances) and an out spoken advocate of free love (what ever that is). It is thought that his father committed suicide. It is well known that mother and son couldn't stand one another, and that in one of their fights she tossed him down a flight of stairs. Obviously Schoppy banged his head pretty hard several times on the flight down.
The only reason that I picked up Schoppy is that Albert Einstein said that Schopenhauer was one of his favorite philosophers. I don’t understand why, Albert was always so sensible.
Schopenhauer would go to a restaurant, place a large tip on the table for the waiter or waitress to see. Then after he ate and was served enthusiastically, he would pick up his tip and leave.
If you are one of those people who is presently contemplating suicide, WARNING! Reading Schopenhauer could be hazardous to your health.
Schoppy talks a lot about THE WILL. This seems to be something like The Force in the Star Wars movies. Adolf Hitler liked this WILL business. He was able to use the idea quit well. He WILLED a whole nation into submission. This WILL business encompasses everything from God, to Mother Nature, to Superman, to energy.
The Will is also an evil demon who tries to lure men into the trap of enjoying life and then once enticed, starts whacking him on the head, like Punch does to Judy in the kid’s puppet show....Oh Judy, oh Judy? I love you. Then it’s BAMB, BAMB, BAMB right on the top of the noodle. But in this case it is Judy who is whacking Punch.
Schopenhauer’s most famous work is The World as Will and Representation.
He finally settled in Frankfurt, Germany with his two poodles Atma and Butz. A neighbor lady knowing he had some bucks tricked him into pushing her. Caroline Marquet took him to court and won. He made payments to her for 27 years.
To tell the truth, I think that I am going to skip Schoppy and his philosophy of misery. Truthfully I think that I have already met the man in real life. He was sitting next to me on a stool at Al's Tavern in Lawrence, Mass. I had just broken up with my last girl friend and he was telling me about the true nature of women. The thing that I remember most about my Al's Tavern Schopenhauer was that he never left his stool, not even to pee. He just sat there sobbing in his beer and peeing in his pants. Oh well, as the bumper sticker says, Life is a bitch, and then you die.