By Richard E. Noble Ronald the Redneck looks at life differently from anyone that I ever met. Sometimes he is very difficult to understand, not just for me to understand, but anybody. He says and does things that always leave me wondering. In any case, there we were sitting on his front porch drinking beer, stomping on the empty cans and tossing them over the railing of the porch and philosophizing, when two strangers wandered into his front yard. My good friend Ronald the Redneck’s property fronted on to a dirt road. I must admit his front yard did look like a “free range” zone. These two strangers had been walking out along the dirt road and then wandered up off the right-of-way and into Ronald's yard. They were each carrying black garbage bags and with some sort of stick with a duphfenflop on the end, they were picking up aluminum cans and putting them into their black bags. "What the heck are them dang fools doin'?" asked Ronald. "Collecting aluminum cans, I would imagine." "Really!" exclaimed Ronald. We both watched as these folks wandered all over Ronald's front yard. Finally when they got to within about ten feet of his front porch, Ronald stood up, hiked up his jeans, propped himself up against a porch railing, puffed himself up like a bantam rooster and yelled: "Hey, what you folks think that you're doin'?" The two good Samaritans looked to one another dubiously. Then the male wandered over towards Ronald in a humble and solicitous manner. "Pardon me?" he asked. "I said, what do you folks think that you are a doin'?" "Oh, we're just out getting some exercise and collecting aluminum cans." "You collecting aluminum cans, you say?" "That's right." "And after you collect 'em, what you gonna do with 'em?" "We're going to take them to the recycle exchange, and cash them in." "Are you going to take my porch swing and rocking chairs? You're not going to take my pickup truck too, are ya?" "Pardon me?" "Well, I'm just tryin' to figure out what you're up to. Here you are, in my front yard, stealing my aluminum cans; I was just wondering what else you folks had intentions of stealing?" "Oh we're not stealing." "You're not?" "No." "Well, when you come onto another man's property and start picking up things that belong to him that are worth money, that is what we folks around here call stealing. What do you call it wherever you folks come from?" "Well, we feel that we are beautifying the neighborhood. We're doing our little part to try and clean up the roadside and make America beautiful. We're not stealing anything." "You're making America beautiful? Well, you know, you makin' me mighty ugly. Not only are you wandering around my front yard, stealing my cans but now you are accusing me of making America ugly. Next you goin' to be calling me un-American or somethin'." "No, Sir. We didn't know that you valued these cans. We're terribly sorry. If you want them, we will gladly leave them right here." "Well why would you think that I wouldn't value them? If they are worth money and here you are out picking them up to sell them? You value them, don't ya?" "Ah ... well ... we're sorry. Evelyn, dump your cans out over here." They both turned their bags inside out and dumped their cans onto the ground. "We're really sorry," the gentleman said as they started to wander away. "We really didn't think that you wanted these cans scattered all over your yard. We thought that we were doing you a favor." "Like you're doin' now - dumpin' a hundred, smelly, old beer cans right in front of my front porch? Is that what you call beautifying?" "Well we picked them all up for you?" "Did I ask you to pick up my cans? I had 'em all nice and scattered out, so's hardly anyone would notice - just the way that I like them - and here you come along and pile 'em up in front of my door and make my place look like a garbage dump. I liked 'em better the way that I had them. Then, one day, when I feel like some exercise, just like you folks, I wander around the yard and I pick them up - keeps me healthy." "You mean you want us to scatter these cans all over your yard again?" "Well, you can say it like that, or you can say that I would like you to put things back the way you found 'em. Would that be askin' too much?" "You want us to scatter these cans all over your yard once again?” "Well, if you would do like that I'd consider that right nice of ya." The couple picked up the cans and put them back into their sack, then wandered about Ronald's yard scattering them around as if they were feeding chickens or planting grass. By the time they left Ronald's property they had some very strange looks on their faces. Now, there is a moral to this story somewhere but I don't know what it is.
Richard E. Noble is a freelance writer who has lived in Franklin County for over thirty years. All of his 5 published books are now available on Amazon.com. If you would like to stock his books in your store or business e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Books by Richard Edward Noble. Click on covers below for more info and purchasing instructions.
Classic Tragic Novel
Don't Laugh - This Could Have Been Your Life
Funny stories and some strange characters.
Monkey Dishes and Cocktail Fawks
My Harrowing days in the restaurant business. Great Read.
It's a Long Story
Long Short Fiction - Great stories!
Bloggin' Be My Life
"Bloggin' be My Life" contains a selection of some of my more popular Hobo Philosopher blogs.If you enjoy reading this blog, you should love Bloggin' Be My Life.
It's All About Love
It's All About Love is ... all about love. This is the 2nd book of poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford off Arlington. Every poem in this book comes with a prose introduction. If you enjoy poetry this is a simple choice. Have fun!
A Little Something
Traditional poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford Off Arlington with some poignant prose introductions. If you enjoy any type of poetry, you will enjoy this volume. Thanks.
Talking To Myself
This is my third book of poetry.
Bits and Pieces
The Hobo Philosopher - My first book using the Hobo Philosopher brand. Featuring a variety of writing styles and ideas. Look for the Thoughtful Hobo on the cover.
A Baker's Dozen
The Hobo Philosopher: My Second book of Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Short Stories. All varieties of short stories - lots of laughs!
Cat Point - and Them Dang Oyster People
Cat Point is the sequel to "The Eastpointer." Both books contain humorous tales about life in a fishing community on the Florida Panhandle. Lots of laughs.
Won 1st Place award for humor in 2007 from Florida Press Association. More wit, wisdom and humor from the yet to be world famous author, R.E. Noble
A Summer with Charlie - Lawrence
Fiction - Salisbury Beach, Lawrence, Mass. Featured in Merrimack Valley Magazine July /Aug. issue 2010
Travel, Humor, Commentary on migrant farm work and illegal immigration still very pertinent today.
"Just Hangin' Out Ma"
Thank God for the Street Corners of Lawrence, Mass. Anecdotes and humorous escapades about growing up in an industrial mill town in the 40s,50s and 60s.
This is the sequel to "Just Hangin' Out, Ma"
That Old Gang of Mine
This is # 3 in my Lawrence Hometown series. The series is about growing up in the 40's, 50's and 60's in an industrial mill town. Sorta like a Huck Finn goes to vist Uncle Ralph, the bus driver, who lives in a big, rundown city. Lots of fun.
Come On-A My House
This is # 4 in my Lawrence Hometown series.The old homested at 32 Chelmsford ST is pictured on the cover..
Down By The Old Mill Stream
# 5 in the Lawrence My Hometown series.
Standing on the Corner is # 6 in the lawrence My Hometown series.
The old Howard Playstead on Lawrence St.
Eat, Drink and Be Merry
# 7 in the Lawrence my Hometown series.
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
Classic tragic novel written from child's perspective. Deals with abuse, poverty, unemployment. Pulls no punches.
Noble Notes on Famous Folks
Humorous, satirical notes on everybody from Constantine to Bill Clinton. Inspiration: Willy Cuppy.
America on Strike
History - documented survey of labor strikes in America
Mein Kampf - An Analysis of Book One
Who are the American Nazis - the Liberals or the Conservatives?
MY NAME IS RICHARD EDWARD NOBLE. I AM A FREELANCE WRITER AND I HAVE PUBLISHED 12 BOOKS:"THE EASTPOINTER" - SELECTIONS FROM AWARD WINNING NEWSPAPER COLUMN - "A LITTLE SOMETHING" - POETRY WITH PROSE -"HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER" - A NOVEL ABOUT GROWING UP IN THE NEW ENGLAND MILL TOWN OF LAWRENCE, MASS, "HOBO-ING AMERICA" - A WORKINGMAN'S TOUR OF THE U.S.A. - "A SUMMER WITH CHARLIE" - THE STORY OF A YOUNG SAILOR'S LAST DAYS AT SALISBURY BEACH, "NOBLE NOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS" - HUMOROUS ANECDOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS IN HISTORY,
"AMERICA ON STRIKE" HISTORY BOOK - A SURVEY OF LABOR STRIKES IN AMERICA; "A BAKER'S DOZEN" A BOOK OF HUMOROUS SHORT STORIES; "JUST HANGIN' OUT, MA" - GROWING UP IN THE 40'S, 50'S AND 60'S IN LAWRENCE, MY HOMETOWN, "TENEMENT DWELLERS" - SEQUEL TO JUST HANGIN OUT, MA; MEIN KAMPF - ANALYSIS OF BOOK ONE - HISTORY. CAT POINT - AND THEM DANG OYSTER PEOPLE - SEQUEL TO THE EASTPOINTER
All 12 BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM, BARNES AND NOBLE AND OTHER INTERNET SOURCES OR FROM NOBLE PUBLISHING. ALL 12 OF MY BOOKS ARE NOW ON KINDLE AT BARGAIN PRICES TOO. IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT DISCOUNTS AND SPECIAL OFFERS E-MAIL ME. MY EMAIL IS ON MY PROFILE PAGE.