By Richard E. Noble There are a bunch of “outsiders” who have showed up here in Franklin County in the last 5 to 15 years. And some of them have organized a group to keep more “strangers” from finding our little paradise. I thought that I would join that group because ever since I arrived here I have been dead against anyone else coming here. But I feel a little hypocritical. How can I join a group of outsiders who, if I had the chance, I would have prevented from settling here in the first place? Now I have to be honest here, Franklin County is not the friendliest place in America. In my adventures Hobo-ing America, I have been to places where total strangers have taken me to their home, fed me and my wife, and let us use their shower. A lady in a Safeway parking lot in California saw our Florida tag. She came up to our van and invited us to park in her driveway. She said she loved “our” Florida orange juice. In Franklin County people aren’t quite that friendly. They are polite but usually if they don’t know you, they don’t speak to you. And sometimes even if they do know you, they don’t speak to you. But that is just the way I like it. When I first arrived here I felt that most of the natives really would have liked me better if I went and settled someplace else. But as for discouraging people from settling permanently here in Franklin County, I organized my own devices. Whenever I met a possible intruder who expressed the notion of settling here, I first brought up the mosquitoes. “Well, you are right. This is a beautiful place to live,” I would say. “But … have you seen the size of the mosquitoes here? Two or three Franklin County mosquitoes, working together, can pick up a small child and carry it to the next county.” “Really?” “Oh yeah, and the roaches here are quite large also. I use a mouse trap baited with a daub of cheese grits myself. The giant army ants can be troubling at times too. The darn things get into your clean underwear draw, or some other place that you don’t go to that often and the next thing you know there’s ten thousand of them in there.” “Oh my god!” “But at least the army ants don’t bite, the fire ants are another thing altogether.” “Fire ants? I’ve never heard of a fire ant.” “Well, you will hear about them if you settle here. Many Eastpointers once walked around without wearing any shoes. Most of them are gone now. They would find a local resident every now and then lying in his front yard looking like a giant whitehead pimple. When the emergency people arrived the first thing they did was bust the pimple. When they did, the stricken individual just disappeared and all that remained was a small, gooey blob. But the fire ants ain’t really as bad as the yellow flies. You got any yellow flies up where you come from?” “I don’t think so. I never heard of a yellow fly. We have horse flies and house flies.” “Yeah, well the Franklin County yellow fly is to the horse fly what the African killer bee is to the domestic honey bee. Many people have died from a yellow fly attack. They suck the blood right out of their victims and leave giant welts all over the dying or dead carcass. I think they are indigenous to Franklin County. I have been all over the United State and I never ran across one anywhere else.” “Wow!” “You plan on building a house?” “Yes.” “Well, you’re lucky. There is a new place over in Carrabelle that will build you one out of steel. I would use steel, aluminum, cast iron, plastic and stuff like that – no wood or anything natural or biodegradable.” “Why’s that.” “Well in the last few years we have had an invasion of wood boring bees. They are the size of a bumble bee and they can eat up your house worse than our local termites can. They’ll turn that sucker into a million little piles of pre-digested sawdust in a couple of seasons.” “Wood boring bees? I can’t believe it!” “Well, build yourself something out of wood here in Franklin County and I guarantee that you will be a believer real quick. And stay away from the beach and don’t eat the fish or shrimp during a red tide and keep yourself posted during hurricane season. It’s not the hurricanes as much as the tornados that bother me. But other than that, it is great here. You will love it.” “I hope so. Where’s the closest Wal-Mart or Publix?”
Richard E. Noble is a freelance writer and has lived in Franklin County for about 30 years. He has published several books. You can find them all on Amazon or by contacting the author at 1-850-670-8076 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Books by Richard Edward Noble. Click on covers below for more info and purchasing instructions.
Classic Tragic Novel
Don't Laugh - This Could Have Been Your Life
Funny stories and some strange characters.
Monkey Dishes and Cocktail Fawks
My Harrowing days in the restaurant business. Great Read.
It's a Long Story
Long Short Fiction - Great stories!
Bloggin' Be My Life
"Bloggin' be My Life" contains a selection of some of my more popular Hobo Philosopher blogs.If you enjoy reading this blog, you should love Bloggin' Be My Life.
It's All About Love
It's All About Love is ... all about love. This is the 2nd book of poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford off Arlington. Every poem in this book comes with a prose introduction. If you enjoy poetry this is a simple choice. Have fun!
A Little Something
Traditional poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford Off Arlington with some poignant prose introductions. If you enjoy any type of poetry, you will enjoy this volume. Thanks.
Talking To Myself
This is my third book of poetry.
Bits and Pieces
The Hobo Philosopher - My first book using the Hobo Philosopher brand. Featuring a variety of writing styles and ideas. Look for the Thoughtful Hobo on the cover.
A Baker's Dozen
The Hobo Philosopher: My Second book of Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Short Stories. All varieties of short stories - lots of laughs!
Cat Point - and Them Dang Oyster People
Cat Point is the sequel to "The Eastpointer." Both books contain humorous tales about life in a fishing community on the Florida Panhandle. Lots of laughs.
Won 1st Place award for humor in 2007 from Florida Press Association. More wit, wisdom and humor from the yet to be world famous author, R.E. Noble
A Summer with Charlie - Lawrence
Fiction - Salisbury Beach, Lawrence, Mass. Featured in Merrimack Valley Magazine July /Aug. issue 2010
Travel, Humor, Commentary on migrant farm work and illegal immigration still very pertinent today.
"Just Hangin' Out Ma"
Thank God for the Street Corners of Lawrence, Mass. Anecdotes and humorous escapades about growing up in an industrial mill town in the 40s,50s and 60s.
This is the sequel to "Just Hangin' Out, Ma"
That Old Gang of Mine
This is # 3 in my Lawrence Hometown series. The series is about growing up in the 40's, 50's and 60's in an industrial mill town. Sorta like a Huck Finn goes to vist Uncle Ralph, the bus driver, who lives in a big, rundown city. Lots of fun.
Come On-A My House
This is # 4 in my Lawrence Hometown series.The old homested at 32 Chelmsford ST is pictured on the cover..
Down By The Old Mill Stream
# 5 in the Lawrence My Hometown series.
Standing on the Corner is # 6 in the lawrence My Hometown series.
The old Howard Playstead on Lawrence St.
Eat, Drink and Be Merry
# 7 in the Lawrence my Hometown series.
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
Classic tragic novel written from child's perspective. Deals with abuse, poverty, unemployment. Pulls no punches.
Noble Notes on Famous Folks
Humorous, satirical notes on everybody from Constantine to Bill Clinton. Inspiration: Willy Cuppy.
America on Strike
History - documented survey of labor strikes in America
Mein Kampf - An Analysis of Book One
Who are the American Nazis - the Liberals or the Conservatives?
MY NAME IS RICHARD EDWARD NOBLE. I AM A FREELANCE WRITER AND I HAVE PUBLISHED 12 BOOKS:"THE EASTPOINTER" - SELECTIONS FROM AWARD WINNING NEWSPAPER COLUMN - "A LITTLE SOMETHING" - POETRY WITH PROSE -"HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER" - A NOVEL ABOUT GROWING UP IN THE NEW ENGLAND MILL TOWN OF LAWRENCE, MASS, "HOBO-ING AMERICA" - A WORKINGMAN'S TOUR OF THE U.S.A. - "A SUMMER WITH CHARLIE" - THE STORY OF A YOUNG SAILOR'S LAST DAYS AT SALISBURY BEACH, "NOBLE NOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS" - HUMOROUS ANECDOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS IN HISTORY,
"AMERICA ON STRIKE" HISTORY BOOK - A SURVEY OF LABOR STRIKES IN AMERICA; "A BAKER'S DOZEN" A BOOK OF HUMOROUS SHORT STORIES; "JUST HANGIN' OUT, MA" - GROWING UP IN THE 40'S, 50'S AND 60'S IN LAWRENCE, MY HOMETOWN, "TENEMENT DWELLERS" - SEQUEL TO JUST HANGIN OUT, MA; MEIN KAMPF - ANALYSIS OF BOOK ONE - HISTORY. CAT POINT - AND THEM DANG OYSTER PEOPLE - SEQUEL TO THE EASTPOINTER
All 12 BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM, BARNES AND NOBLE AND OTHER INTERNET SOURCES OR FROM NOBLE PUBLISHING. ALL 12 OF MY BOOKS ARE NOW ON KINDLE AT BARGAIN PRICES TOO. IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT DISCOUNTS AND SPECIAL OFFERS E-MAIL ME. MY EMAIL IS ON MY PROFILE PAGE.