By Richard E. Noble At one point in my tenure here in Franklin County, I made the mistake of getting involved in the local politics. The oystermen were upset about something or maybe I was upset about something and we were going to Tallahassee to tell the Governor and his cabinet all about it. The Governor at the time was Martinez. Leroy Hall, president of the Oystermen’s Association, called me and asked if I would go with him and some other representatives of the oystering community. He wanted me to prepare a speech. So I did. We were on the “agenda.” I didn’t even know what an agenda was. But for those out there who are as apolitical as I, you must be on the agenda. If you are not on the agenda you will not be allowed to speak, you will not pass go and you will not collect your two hundred dollars. We were on the agenda but the agenda was timeless. Everybody on the agenda had to show up at nine o’clock in the morning and sit through the proceedings until their name was called. The Governor sat in the middle and his cabinet fanned out on both sides. There was one woman, a couple of dapper young guys and a few crusty old fogies. There was one old cabinet member who I remember in particular. He was secretary of something. He had a belly that could hardly be contained and the skinny part of his tie extended bellow the thick part. One button on his shirt was undone exposing his T-shirt and he kept falling asleep. His nose was so big and red that I kept waiting for it to change to yellow or green. Whenever Carol sees a fellow that is dressed like this gentleman she says, “Clearly his wife is out of town and he had to dress himself this morning.” My wife is a female chauvinist. She puts up with me as a part of the cross that she feels each woman is forced to bear in order to pass through the gates of heaven. Men are “obstacles.” I think that I have been a great obstacle for over 30 years now. I am proud of my obstacle status. I just don’t want to turn into an obstruction. This funny looking Secretary was there as a part of Southern Heritage and Florida law. It is a law in Florida that on every governor’s cabinet there must be one old Cracker with an outrageous Southern accent to say dumb, stupid things. This is to assure that Florida will get some national news attention. We sat there all morning. They voted on a hundred things and spent several million dollars. My buddy, Mr. Secretary of whatever, only woke up one time. There was a dispute over where the legislators could park their cars. This actually turned out to be the biggest agenda item of the entire day. It must have taken an hour and a half of heated discussion. Naturally our buddy wanted a guaranteed free space close to the entry way. He gave an impassioned plea much in the style that famous Southern orator John C. Calhoon or maybe John “Kingfish” Calhoun of Amos ‘N’ Andy fame. He was great though. We went to lunch. When we returned the governor’s cabinet room was once again packed. It was loaded with reporters. They were the ones with the note pads and constantly aflutter. The people on the agenda were the ones with the long, frustrated, angry faces. Like me they were in attendance not to listen to a debate over free parking spaces but to be heard on some issue crucial to the betterment of their community - or special interest group. As the afternoon drooled on the newspaper reporters began filing out. After each agenda item person spoke, more people evacuated. The crowd got thinner and thinner. Finally everybody was gone except me, Leroy, and four other oystermen - each dressed in their best Sunday T-shirt and a new, bright, white pair of Bill’s discount bargain sneakers. I thought for sure that when I got up to give my speech the Governor and cabinet would get up and leave also - but I guess they can’t. It must be the law. They must listen to any and every dufus who has been smart enough to figure out how to get his name on the agenda. If it was late though, they could have adjourned and left me to come back in the morning. That was not going to happen, I assure you. I gave my speech in an empty room with nobody taking notes. When I finished, the Governor said, “Thank you Mr. Noble.” He and the cabinet then all got up and left. It was clear to me that I did not make a big impression. All the way home my mind wandered. My deepest thought was that if I had skipped the Governor and cabinet meeting and went oystering instead, I could have been a hundred dollars richer. Politics is clearly a rich people’s game.
Richard Noble is a freelance writer who has lived in Franklin County for thirty years. He has published 5 books and they are all for sale on Amazon.com. If you would like to stock any of his books in your store or business contact Richard at firstname.lastname@example.org or call 1-850- 670-8650.
Books by Richard Edward Noble. Click on covers below for more info and purchasing instructions.
Classic Tragic Novel
Don't Laugh - This Could Have Been Your Life
Funny stories and some strange characters.
Monkey Dishes and Cocktail Fawks
My Harrowing days in the restaurant business. Great Read.
It's a Long Story
Long Short Fiction - Great stories!
Bloggin' Be My Life
"Bloggin' be My Life" contains a selection of some of my more popular Hobo Philosopher blogs.If you enjoy reading this blog, you should love Bloggin' Be My Life.
It's All About Love
It's All About Love is ... all about love. This is the 2nd book of poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford off Arlington. Every poem in this book comes with a prose introduction. If you enjoy poetry this is a simple choice. Have fun!
A Little Something
Traditional poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford Off Arlington with some poignant prose introductions. If you enjoy any type of poetry, you will enjoy this volume. Thanks.
Talking To Myself
This is my third book of poetry.
Bits and Pieces
The Hobo Philosopher - My first book using the Hobo Philosopher brand. Featuring a variety of writing styles and ideas. Look for the Thoughtful Hobo on the cover.
A Baker's Dozen
The Hobo Philosopher: My Second book of Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Short Stories. All varieties of short stories - lots of laughs!
Cat Point - and Them Dang Oyster People
Cat Point is the sequel to "The Eastpointer." Both books contain humorous tales about life in a fishing community on the Florida Panhandle. Lots of laughs.
Won 1st Place award for humor in 2007 from Florida Press Association. More wit, wisdom and humor from the yet to be world famous author, R.E. Noble
A Summer with Charlie - Lawrence
Fiction - Salisbury Beach, Lawrence, Mass. Featured in Merrimack Valley Magazine July /Aug. issue 2010
Travel, Humor, Commentary on migrant farm work and illegal immigration still very pertinent today.
"Just Hangin' Out Ma"
Thank God for the Street Corners of Lawrence, Mass. Anecdotes and humorous escapades about growing up in an industrial mill town in the 40s,50s and 60s.
This is the sequel to "Just Hangin' Out, Ma"
That Old Gang of Mine
This is # 3 in my Lawrence Hometown series. The series is about growing up in the 40's, 50's and 60's in an industrial mill town. Sorta like a Huck Finn goes to vist Uncle Ralph, the bus driver, who lives in a big, rundown city. Lots of fun.
Come On-A My House
This is # 4 in my Lawrence Hometown series.The old homested at 32 Chelmsford ST is pictured on the cover..
Down By The Old Mill Stream
# 5 in the Lawrence My Hometown series.
Standing on the Corner is # 6 in the lawrence My Hometown series.
The old Howard Playstead on Lawrence St.
Eat, Drink and Be Merry
# 7 in the Lawrence my Hometown series.
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
Classic tragic novel written from child's perspective. Deals with abuse, poverty, unemployment. Pulls no punches.
Noble Notes on Famous Folks
Humorous, satirical notes on everybody from Constantine to Bill Clinton. Inspiration: Willy Cuppy.
America on Strike
History - documented survey of labor strikes in America
Mein Kampf - An Analysis of Book One
Who are the American Nazis - the Liberals or the Conservatives?
MY NAME IS RICHARD EDWARD NOBLE. I AM A FREELANCE WRITER AND I HAVE PUBLISHED 12 BOOKS:"THE EASTPOINTER" - SELECTIONS FROM AWARD WINNING NEWSPAPER COLUMN - "A LITTLE SOMETHING" - POETRY WITH PROSE -"HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER" - A NOVEL ABOUT GROWING UP IN THE NEW ENGLAND MILL TOWN OF LAWRENCE, MASS, "HOBO-ING AMERICA" - A WORKINGMAN'S TOUR OF THE U.S.A. - "A SUMMER WITH CHARLIE" - THE STORY OF A YOUNG SAILOR'S LAST DAYS AT SALISBURY BEACH, "NOBLE NOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS" - HUMOROUS ANECDOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS IN HISTORY,
"AMERICA ON STRIKE" HISTORY BOOK - A SURVEY OF LABOR STRIKES IN AMERICA; "A BAKER'S DOZEN" A BOOK OF HUMOROUS SHORT STORIES; "JUST HANGIN' OUT, MA" - GROWING UP IN THE 40'S, 50'S AND 60'S IN LAWRENCE, MY HOMETOWN, "TENEMENT DWELLERS" - SEQUEL TO JUST HANGIN OUT, MA; MEIN KAMPF - ANALYSIS OF BOOK ONE - HISTORY. CAT POINT - AND THEM DANG OYSTER PEOPLE - SEQUEL TO THE EASTPOINTER
All 12 BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM, BARNES AND NOBLE AND OTHER INTERNET SOURCES OR FROM NOBLE PUBLISHING. ALL 12 OF MY BOOKS ARE NOW ON KINDLE AT BARGAIN PRICES TOO. IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT DISCOUNTS AND SPECIAL OFFERS E-MAIL ME. MY EMAIL IS ON MY PROFILE PAGE.