Whether the toilet seat should be up or down has become a major point of controversy between the male and female of the species, at least in developed countries where toilet seats exist. This issue has been brought to a point of intensity, in my opinion, by woman. I have never yet met a man who has complained of having a problem with his toilet seat. I have had many strange conversations with men but never have I sat around drinking beer with a bunch of guys discussing toilet seats and whether they should be kept up or down. Without doubt this is a girl thing. Coleslaw, potato salad, ice tea, and toilet seats seem to be of major concern only to woman. I have been in the restaurant business most of my adult life and never have I been confronted by a male who complained of sour ice tea. I, myself, am part English and was raised in the Boston area. You do remember Boston; that place of Tea Party fame? Tea was so important to Bostonians that they started a revolution over it. I have used tea every morning in place of coffee for the greater part of my life. Nevertheless, I have on occasion made a cup of tea on a Monday, found that same cup of tea in the microwave on a Thursday, re-heated it, and drank it without the slightest hesitation. Slap some mayo on a piece of cabbage or a potato and I will eat it without analysis or prolonged discussion. And I have never asked the question at any family gathering; ‘Who made this coleslaw?” - NEVER! But Toilet seats are today’s problem. When I was a little boy I was trained BY WOMEN to lift the toilet seat up before peeing. My father had no interest in any of this business and after peeing in my pants on several occasions because of a lack of a public facility, he taught me how to pee on a telephone pole, in an alley, or behind a building. Information that I still find valuable today. But the logic of lifting up the home toilet seat never perplexed me. It was only after being married for a number of years that I learned that it was not only my responsibility to put the toilet seat up before I peed, but to put it down after I was done. I should do this, I have been told BY WOMEN because, a half-asleep woman wondering around during the middle of the night looking for a place to pee often finds herself sitting on a cold porcelain bowl. What, I wonder, in this day of Republican individualism and personal responsibility, have I become the guardian of the female butt? I really don’t give a darn if she has a wet butt or a cold butt. You can bet when I go to pee, anywhere, I not only check to see if the toilet seat is up or down depending on my particular intention, I also make darn sure that it is dry and clean. This seems like common sense to me. I do it all on my own with complete understanding of the consequences if I don’t. And after doing so I don’t blame anyone, nor do I go about complaining about my victimization by the human race. Why is it that women do not seem to be capable of exercising this same responsibleness? What are they dopey? Maybe when we go out to dinner, us men should escort our wives to the facility, clean and check the toilet seat for them, and I suppose we could also wipe their butts when they are done because maybe they will forget. I think it is time that US GIRLS should do a little growing up here. Let’s all take care of our own butts and our own toilet responsibilities, Okay? I don’t need your help. Why do you need mine?
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Books by Richard Edward Noble. Click on covers below for more info and purchasing instructions.
Classic Tragic Novel
Don't Laugh - This Could Have Been Your Life
Funny stories and some strange characters.
Monkey Dishes and Cocktail Fawks
My Harrowing days in the restaurant business. Great Read.
It's a Long Story
Long Short Fiction - Great stories!
Bloggin' Be My Life
"Bloggin' be My Life" contains a selection of some of my more popular Hobo Philosopher blogs.If you enjoy reading this blog, you should love Bloggin' Be My Life.
It's All About Love
It's All About Love is ... all about love. This is the 2nd book of poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford off Arlington. Every poem in this book comes with a prose introduction. If you enjoy poetry this is a simple choice. Have fun!
A Little Something
Traditional poetry from The Bard From Chelmsford Off Arlington with some poignant prose introductions. If you enjoy any type of poetry, you will enjoy this volume. Thanks.
Talking To Myself
This is my third book of poetry.
Bits and Pieces
The Hobo Philosopher - My first book using the Hobo Philosopher brand. Featuring a variety of writing styles and ideas. Look for the Thoughtful Hobo on the cover.
A Baker's Dozen
The Hobo Philosopher: My Second book of Fiction, Creative Non-Fiction and Short Stories. All varieties of short stories - lots of laughs!
Cat Point - and Them Dang Oyster People
Cat Point is the sequel to "The Eastpointer." Both books contain humorous tales about life in a fishing community on the Florida Panhandle. Lots of laughs.
Won 1st Place award for humor in 2007 from Florida Press Association. More wit, wisdom and humor from the yet to be world famous author, R.E. Noble
A Summer with Charlie - Lawrence
Fiction - Salisbury Beach, Lawrence, Mass. Featured in Merrimack Valley Magazine July /Aug. issue 2010
Travel, Humor, Commentary on migrant farm work and illegal immigration still very pertinent today.
"Just Hangin' Out Ma"
Thank God for the Street Corners of Lawrence, Mass. Anecdotes and humorous escapades about growing up in an industrial mill town in the 40s,50s and 60s.
This is the sequel to "Just Hangin' Out, Ma"
That Old Gang of Mine
This is # 3 in my Lawrence Hometown series. The series is about growing up in the 40's, 50's and 60's in an industrial mill town. Sorta like a Huck Finn goes to vist Uncle Ralph, the bus driver, who lives in a big, rundown city. Lots of fun.
Come On-A My House
This is # 4 in my Lawrence Hometown series.The old homested at 32 Chelmsford ST is pictured on the cover..
Down By The Old Mill Stream
# 5 in the Lawrence My Hometown series.
Standing on the Corner is # 6 in the lawrence My Hometown series.
The old Howard Playstead on Lawrence St.
Eat, Drink and Be Merry
# 7 in the Lawrence my Hometown series.
Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother
Classic tragic novel written from child's perspective. Deals with abuse, poverty, unemployment. Pulls no punches.
Noble Notes on Famous Folks
Humorous, satirical notes on everybody from Constantine to Bill Clinton. Inspiration: Willy Cuppy.
America on Strike
History - documented survey of labor strikes in America
Mein Kampf - An Analysis of Book One
Who are the American Nazis - the Liberals or the Conservatives?
MY NAME IS RICHARD EDWARD NOBLE. I AM A FREELANCE WRITER AND I HAVE PUBLISHED 12 BOOKS:"THE EASTPOINTER" - SELECTIONS FROM AWARD WINNING NEWSPAPER COLUMN - "A LITTLE SOMETHING" - POETRY WITH PROSE -"HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER" - A NOVEL ABOUT GROWING UP IN THE NEW ENGLAND MILL TOWN OF LAWRENCE, MASS, "HOBO-ING AMERICA" - A WORKINGMAN'S TOUR OF THE U.S.A. - "A SUMMER WITH CHARLIE" - THE STORY OF A YOUNG SAILOR'S LAST DAYS AT SALISBURY BEACH, "NOBLE NOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS" - HUMOROUS ANECDOTES ON FAMOUS FOLKS IN HISTORY,
"AMERICA ON STRIKE" HISTORY BOOK - A SURVEY OF LABOR STRIKES IN AMERICA; "A BAKER'S DOZEN" A BOOK OF HUMOROUS SHORT STORIES; "JUST HANGIN' OUT, MA" - GROWING UP IN THE 40'S, 50'S AND 60'S IN LAWRENCE, MY HOMETOWN, "TENEMENT DWELLERS" - SEQUEL TO JUST HANGIN OUT, MA; MEIN KAMPF - ANALYSIS OF BOOK ONE - HISTORY. CAT POINT - AND THEM DANG OYSTER PEOPLE - SEQUEL TO THE EASTPOINTER
All 12 BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON.COM, BARNES AND NOBLE AND OTHER INTERNET SOURCES OR FROM NOBLE PUBLISHING. ALL 12 OF MY BOOKS ARE NOW ON KINDLE AT BARGAIN PRICES TOO. IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFORMATION ABOUT DISCOUNTS AND SPECIAL OFFERS E-MAIL ME. MY EMAIL IS ON MY PROFILE PAGE.